As the meager few who follow this know, I started this blog because I lost my job in April 2011. That was a very painful experience and one to which I am still struggling to adjust. I miss the work I did, I miss the mission and vision I had and I miss the good I know I did.
When this happened, I had a friend tell me "This would not have happened without God's knowledge and approval." In the past 15 months, I have been trying very hard to understand the why. I've begged, pleaded, railed against, cried and tried hard to listen to Him tell me why He allowed this to happen. I think tonight he finally told me why.
For the past 10-12 months, I've been struggling with some health issues. Not health issues that have caused me pain, but more that have caused worry and wonder -- not just for me but for the medical professionals I've worked with for many years and a couple of new ones I've had the necessity to meet recently. I still don't have all the answers, but after a handful of expensive medical tests, I'm hopeful to have a diagnosis soon.
I got a Facebook message earlier this week from a former employee who just wanted to say she was sorry to see me go and she thought I'd done a good job in my former employment. Even after 15 months, I still get those and I am so very thankful to receive them. It validates what we did as an agency and reminds me that I did have a positive impact on children, families and, just as important -- the staff who carried out a tough job with little respect and recognition from others.
But, as always happens, those messages remind me that I don't have the most important (at least to me) answer -- WHY did He let this happen? Well, I think He finally told me tonight. He knew I needed strength and time to deal with my current health issues and He knew I would not have had either with my former job. As I sit and think about all the time I've had to take off to find the answers to my health questions, I realize that it would have been difficult for me to adequately attend to everything I've had to do in the past several months if I was still embroiled in my former life.
I'm still sad; I still miss my former life and all that came with it -- but maybe I'm beginning to appreciate an incident that may just turn out to be a blessing in disguise.
