Checking in....

Wow, it's been over 3 years since I've written in this blog. I've just reviewed all of my posts (there is SO many, not!). I'm not sure if I'm up to "continuing" (can I really use the word "continuing if I haven't done it in more than 3 years?) this blog, but I realize that my life has taken some crazy turns and lots has happened in the past 3 years. I want to blog about them all, I'm just not sure I can remember all of them. Here's a list of things that have happened and that I hope to blog about in the future....

• My son got married
• I no longer work
• My daughter went to college
• My testimony, why and how I came to trust in the Lord
• my identity -- that I am a child of God; not that I was the Regional Director of the CD
• My many illnesses and health issues and all the pros/cons that come with all that "stuff"
• Transcription -- it's harder than it looks
• New knees -- you really can't dance the night of surgery

I know this list is not all inclusive, but it's a start.  Let's see what I can do.

A blessing in disguise?

As the meager few who follow this know, I started this blog because I lost my job in April 2011.  That was a very painful experience and one to which I am still struggling to adjust.  I miss the work I did, I miss the mission and vision I had and I miss the good I know I did.


When this happened, I had a friend tell me "This would not have happened without God's knowledge and approval." In the past 15 months, I have been trying very hard to understand the why.  I've begged, pleaded, railed against, cried and tried hard to listen to Him tell me why He allowed this to happen.  I think tonight he finally told me why.  


For the past 10-12 months, I've been struggling with some health issues.  Not health issues that have caused me pain, but more that have caused worry and wonder -- not just for me but for the medical professionals I've worked with for many years and a couple of new ones I've had the necessity to meet recently.  I still don't have all the answers, but after a handful of expensive medical tests, I'm hopeful to have a diagnosis soon.


I got a Facebook message earlier this week from a former employee who just wanted to say she was sorry to see me go and she thought I'd done a good job in my former employment.  Even after 15 months, I still get those and I am so very thankful to receive them.  It validates what we did as an agency and reminds me that I did have a positive impact on children, families and, just as important -- the staff who carried out a tough job with little respect and recognition from others.


But, as always happens, those messages remind me that I don't have the most important (at least to me) answer -- WHY did He let this happen?  Well, I think He finally told me tonight.  He knew I needed strength and time to deal with my current health issues and He knew I would not have had either with my former job. As I sit and think about all the time I've had to take off to find the answers to my health questions, I realize that it would have been difficult for me to adequately attend to everything I've had to do in the past several months if I was still embroiled in my former life.  


I'm still sad; I still miss my former life and all that came with it -- but maybe I'm beginning to appreciate an incident that may just turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

Truth be Told, my brother is why I became a Social Worker

I probably shouldn't be doing this, but I'm going to share a little secret.....  my brother is an alcoholic.  Now, I've known this for years, but in a very sporadic and distance sense.  I've been around him when he's drunk and quite frankly, I don't like him much (i.e. at all) when he's drunk.  As with most drunks, he is a complete jerk when he has had too much to drink.  Much as I love him, I can still share that.  Having said all that, I've seen a completely new side to him that makes me weep in equal parts frustration and love.

He had knee replacement surgery last Friday.  Apparently the night before, he got completely drunk.  Why anyone would preform surgery on a man with such an alcohol problem is beyond me.... I can only hope it was done because they didn't know the extent of his problem.

I visited with him on Saturday and it quite literally, scared the crap out of me.  Looking at him reminded me of the videos you see of starving, emaciated people who have eaten next to nil for several months. He frequently fell into a fitful sleep while talking and was incoherent for most of the day.  Later that night he pulled out his IV, got up and promptly fell down.  I'm sure he had every intention of locating a cigarette because not only is he addicted to his beer, he is addicted to his cigarettes.

As a result of this behavior, he was moved to a more secure room with 24 hour supervision.  Now when I was told that, I really didn't believe that -- who is going to spend the money on that?  Well, apparently his insurance, because I spent the day with him today and the nurse was in there ALL the time and only left when she was relieved by another nurse or when she was assured that I would not leave the room.

As a result of his alcohol and tobacco withdrawal, here are some of the conversations we have had over the past few days....

• Him to me "Where's Zach, he was here with you this morning."  "No Pascal, Zach is in school today."
• Him to me "What are you doing for Memorial Day?" "I don't know Pascal, Memorial Day is months away, Halloween is the next 'Holiday'"
• Him to me "I need my sunglasses, find my sunglasses"  "Here they are Pascal, in your suitcase"  "Okay...  leave them there, I don't need them now."
• Him to me "I know Mom's schedule on Sundays, she'll be home tomorrow between church and lunch."  "Pascal, tomorrow's not Sunday."

He alternately cursed me, flipped me off and smiled at me.  It was quite an adventure and I have a whole new appreciation for anyone who has to deal with this on a daily basis.  I hope and pray that his road to recovery is an easy one.  In reality, it will be bumpy and it will be bumpy by his own choosing.

 Truth be told, and as sad as it may be to say.....I'm glad I work with abused and neglected children and not alcoholics.

Who Am I?

I'm copying a friend of mine and linking up to another site:  www.sassysites.blogspot.com  The blogger has asked that we answer the following questions about ourselves....

Why did you decide to start blogging?  I started blogging in the Spring because I suddenly parted ways with my employer after almost 20 years of service.  It was a tough time for me and I needed an outlet.  

When you aren't blogging, what are you doing?  When I am not blogging I am playing games on Facebook (I LOVE to play games), reading, watching TV, or spending time with family or my church family.  I live a predominantly sedentary life but am slowly trying to become more active.  In all reality, I don't think blogging is going to help me in this endeavor!!

What is your blog about?  My blog started as an outlet for my unemployment status, but I am happy to say that my employment status has changed, so now I will be blogging about anything that comes to mind.

When do you find the time to blog?  Whenever I can :)

What is your favorite post so far that you've written?  The post immediately before this one..... God is good and he will provide direction if you are willing to look for it.

I have to change the title of my blog....

I have a job!!!  This week I was offered the Child Assessment Director position at Sunflower House, a non profit agency that serves child abuse victims.  Sunflower House offers advocacy, education, forensic interviews and medical evaluations.  I am so excited about this opportunity and thank God who placed me where I needed to be.  He even sent me a message the day of my second interview....  a sunflower in my backyard!  I've lived in this house for 17 years and this is the first time I have ever had a sunflower in my yard.  The peace that settled over me that morning was amazing.  Nothing is better than God's providence and direction in my life.  My many thanks to all my family and friends who prayed for me these past few months.  God is definitely good.

Here's the sunflower -- isn't it beautiful???

Do not shop..... go straight home

Today I was talking to an old friend of mine (old as in I've known her forever, not old as in old :))......  She is dealing with some significant health issues lately and I was just calling to check on her.  She reminded me of several funny stories that span back over several years.  I certainly enjoyed talking to her today and was warmed by her positive outlook on life.   I asked her if there was anything I could do for her and she said knowing that friends and family were thinking about her and praying for her was enough.  I told her if she needed anything, all she needed to do was ask......  The Smart Alec comes back with "I told you to go straight home, not go shopping!"

Oh my.....  I had hit a nerve.  Last time I visited with her was the day of the big storm here in KC that required most everyone to seek basement shelter in the middle of a work day for over an hour.  Tornado sirens were going off, dark clouds were rolling in...  I think the Joplin tornado had occurred just 3 days prior.  My big goal for that day was to prepare dessert for that night's big family dinner -- my niece was in from out of town with her beau and her baby and all I needed to bring was dessert.  As T and I were watching the weather from her basement, I realized I had 30 minutes before the storm was to hit where we live.  My plan had been to go to the grocery store on my way home...  I decided to make a run for it.....  T tells me as I'm leaving "don't stop at the store, go straight home."  I nod my head yes as I shut her front door and then say "after I go to the grocery store."  You see -- I didn't want to tell a lie....  I just made sure she couldn't hear me when I finished my sentence!!

I went to the grocery store.....  they weren't letting people shop because of the tornado sirens....  if we entered the store, we had to go back to the freezer.  So I stayed outside by the front doors for a little while, watching those clouds roll in.  (Note -- I wasn't the only one standing by those doors!!)  Sanity finally weighed in and I went home.... texting T that I had arrived safely.

Okay, so, no big humorous lesson for anyone today, just a good, private laugh at a recent memory and T's quick wit and my promise to her that next time, I will try much harder to follow directions.  Love you T.

A life gone too soon

Over the weekend I found out that a woman I use to work with had a heart attack and died.  She leaves behind two children, the youngest who is middle school aged.  She was only five years older than me.  While I didn't know her well, and really couldn't consider her a friend, the suddenness of her death has left me somewhat shaken.

Here was a single parent who worked extremely hard at ensuring that children and families less fortunate than her own had access to the kinds of things we probably take for granted -- Easter baskets, Thanksgiving dinners, birthday and Christmas gifts, prom dresses and all the extras that go with that special day.  And at the end of the day, in the blink of an eye, she's gone.  

In addition to the suddenness, my shakiness has to do with her age and her size.  She was only five years older than me at the time she died and she was over-weight.  I have no idea what lead to her heart attack, and I don't know anything about her medical history, but being that close in age and being over-weight myself, well.....  it's hitting pretty close to home.

Hug your loved ones tonight and take care of yourself, you never know when it will all be gone.

RIP SC.